From 75333.1414@CompuServe.COMSat Sep 7 17:34:21 1996 Date: 07 Sep 96 13:04:27 EDT From: "John G. Owen, PIA" <75333.1414@CompuServe.COM> To: Ken Blackmon Cc: Rick and Rebecca Botto <75714.1562@CompuServe.COM>, Jonathan Chun , John Cummings , Craig Docherty , Charles & Dayle Edwards , "Henry W. Farkas" , Sherrill Farkas , Andy Fees , Dan&Melissa Gerstenfeld , Ching-i Hsu , "Kaufman, Art" , Barbara Owen , Kurt Owen , Skip & Lyn Owen <75522.657@CompuServe.COM>, Bob Pollack , Tim Savage , "Eric N. Smith" <102104.230@CompuServe.COM>, Rich Taylor , Mel Thebault , Barb Topley , Dave & Jen Towert , "Richard T. Wetherald" Subject: Fwd: How To Hunt Elephants ---------- Forwarded Message ---------- From: INTERNET:WaldIII@aol.com, INTERNET:WaldIII@aol.com TO: John G. Owen, PIA, 75333,1414 (unknown), 103377,2664 (unknown), 76756,2401 (unknown), INTERNET:AHWALD@PUPRESS.PRINCETON.EDU Matt Ristuccia, INTERNET:MRISTUCCIA@AOL.COM Matthew Ristuccia, INTERNET:MATTWRC@AOL.COM Craig Docherty, INTERNET:BIBLE4LIFE@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:CLDAUGHERTY@ATTMAIL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:KJEL@MERLE.ACNS.NWU.EDU (unknown), INTERNET:DAUBSOCCER@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:SCOTTY-B@NWU.EDU (unknown), INTERNET:WHRS79A@PRODIGY.COM (unknown), INTERNET:HALW@VOYAGER.NET (unknown), INTERNET:PREWITT@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:CRAIG_HIMMELBERGER@PEOPLESOFT.COM (unknown), INTERNET:AHIMMELB@ACS.BU.EDU (unknown), INTERNET:CAVROSE@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:WAYNELOOM@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:NHURST@SARNOFF.COM (unknown), INTERNET:NORM_HURST@MACA.SARNOFF.COM (unknown), INTERNET:GBAKOS@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:JINX007@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:BRAD.GILL@LFA.COM (unknown), INTERNET:JEFFCHU@STUDENT.PRINCETON.EDU (unknown), INTERNET:IANBHOME@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:TRACYWRC@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:MARYLEE@WESTWORLD.COM (unknown), INTERNET:GENE@PIERCECOMM.COM Tom Olson, INTERNET:TMOLSON@AOL.COM (unknown), INTERNET:KIDWELL@UN.ORG DATE: 8/26/96 10:23 AM RE: Fwd: How To Hunt Elephants Sender: waldiii@aol.com Received: from emout16.mail.aol.com (emout16.mx.aol.com [198.81.11.42]) by arl-img-5.compuserve.com (8.6.10/5.950515) id KAA11251; Mon, 26 Aug 1996 10:22:40 -0400 From: Received: by emout16.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id KAA18815; Mon, 26 Aug 1996 10:22:38 -0400 Date: Mon, 26 Aug 1996 10:22:38 -0400 Message-ID: <960826102238_465540428@emout16.mail.aol.com> To: ahwald@pupress.princeton.edu, MRistuccia@aol.com, MattWRC@aol.com, Bible4Life@aol.com, cldaugherty@attmail.com, 75333.1414@compuserve.com, kjel@merle.acns.nwu.edu, Daubsoccer@aol.com, Scotty-B@nwu.edu, whrs79a@prodigy.com, halw@voyager.net, PREWITT@aol.com, Craig_Himmelberger@peoplesoft.com, 103377.2664@compuserve.com, ahimmelb@acs.bu.edu, Cavrose@aol.com, WayneLoom@aol.com, nhurst@sarnoff.com, norm_hurst@maca.sarnoff.com, GBakos@aol.com, Jinx007@aol.com, brad.gill@lfa.com, jeffchu@student.princeton.edu, Ianbhome@aol.com, TracyWRC@aol.com, marylee@westworld.com, gene@piercecomm.com, TMOlson@aol.com, 76756.2401@compuserve.com, kidwell@un.org Subject: Fwd: How To Hunt Elephants I've received a string of these and been busy to pass them on. Now late on a Friday afternoon (5:30) in August I'll send a few of these out. Enjoy. Jack Wald --------------------- Forwarded message: Subj: Fwd: How To Hunt Elephants Date: 96-08-22 22:54:29 EDT From: Jan de V To: WaldIII I can't remember whether I've already forwarded this to you. zzzjanis --------------------- Forwarded message: From: JandeV@aol.com Sender: owner-infj-l@teleport.com To: infj-l@teleport.com Date: 96-08-20 00:37:49 EDT Really from: JandeV@aol.com My niece in the Netherlands sent this to my brother in Lebanon, Tennessee, with a copy to me. I especially like the line about economists. Cheers, Janis --------------------- Forwarded message: From: 101606.774@CompuServe.COM (N & A Duthie-Verveen) To: JECDB@USIT.net (Patrick Lyle) CC: JandeV@aol.com (Janis de Vries) Date: 96-08-19 16:14:55 EDT --------------- Forwarded Message --------------- Hi, Janis (Bellita) told me you liked funny items. I'm Janis' niece by marriage:- Ed's sister's daughter. Hope you enjoy this. There is more where this came from :-). Antoinette From: Jake, INTERNET:rynath@webspan.net To: 101606,774 > > > MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out > everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is > left. > > EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the > existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 > as a subordinate exercise. > > PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one > unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual > elephant as an exercise for their graduate students. > > COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A: > 1. Go to Africa. > 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope. > 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent > alternately east and west. > 4. During each traverse pass, > a. Catch each animal seen. > b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant. > c. Stop when a match is detected. > > EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known > elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. > > ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their > hands and knees. > > HARDWARE ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray > animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within > plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant. > > ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants > are paid enough, they will hunt themselves. > > STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an > elephant. > > CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything > at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who > do. > > OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of > hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting > strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants. > > POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants > you catch with the people who voted for them. > > LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around > arguing about who owns the droppings. > > SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the > look and feel of one dropping. > > VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to > hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the > vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to > ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the > vice president sees them. > If the vice president does happen to see a elephant, > the staff will: > (1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and > (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. > > SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the > assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper > voices. > > QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for > mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep. > > SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling > elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season > opens. > > SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an > invoice for an elephant. > > HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as > desktop elephants. >