From johnowen@worldnet.att.net@worldnet.att.netSun Dec 15 20:47:29 1996
Date: Sat, 14 Dec 1996 13:35:06 -0500
From: John Owen <"johnowen@worldnet.att.net"@worldnet.att.net>
To: SlipperyK@aol.com, BTopley@aol.com, BOwe@USCCMAIL.uscc.bms.com,
    cde061894@aol.com, bible4life@aol.com, melden@annap.infi.net,
    David_Towert@msn.com, bbfdeb@aol.com, 102104.230@CompuServe.COM,
    hfarkas@carfax.ims.advantis.com, WaldIII@aol.com, jab@bala.com,
    john@raritan.com
Subject: New elements <g>!

Two new elements on the Periodic Table 
(Read the whole thing if you believe this will offend you, politically. 
 If you get offended anyway, you might look into taking life a little 
*less* seriouosly.)
======================================================================

       Element : WOMAN

       Symbol : Wo

       Atomic Weight : 120 (more or less)

       Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing
       and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly.
       Very bitter if not used well.

       Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to
       gold, silver. platinum, and precious stone. Violent when left
       alone. Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns
       slightly green when placed beside a better specimen.
       Ages rapidly.

       Usage : Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for
       disintegration of wealth. Probably the most powerful
       income reducing agent known.

       Caution : Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

____________________________

       Element : MAN

       Symbol : XY

       Common Name(s) : Varies anywhere from John to !@#&*!

       Atomic Weight : 180+/-100

       Physical Properties : Solid at room temperature but easily gets
       bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.
       Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust,
       aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as
       easily as young, fresh samples.

       Chemical Properties : Attempt to bond with Wo any chance it can
       get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself.
       Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid)
       for a prolonged period of time. Pretty basic.
       Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

       Usage : None really, except methane production. Good
       samples are able to produce large quantities on
       command.

       Caution : In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly
       decomposes and begins to smell.

-- 
John G. Owen, PIA
My email address has changed.
Please update your address book.

My new address is johnowen@worldnet.net

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