This one seems so... realistic... [Ed.]

Hospital Cost Containment (from rec.humor.funny)

	I am a neonatologist, so I often get find it necessary to make late
night visits to the hospital. While exiting through the ED last night,
I was stopped by one of the nurses and given a copy of this. I don't
know where it originated, and although it's apparently only floating
around the ED, none of the staff there is willing to confess.

MEMO
To: All Hospital Staff
From: Administration/Groundskeeping
Subject: New Cost Cutting Measures

	Effective immediately, this hospital will no longer provide security.
Each charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds
of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in pharmacy. In
addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the
patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be
provided for patrolling the parking areas. In light of the similarity
of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security
surveillance duties. The ward clerk will be responsible for watching
cardiac monitors and security monitors as well as regular duties.
	Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will
need to let their familes know to bring something or may make
arrangements with Subway or Pizza Hut to deliver. Coin-operated
telephones will be available in patient rooms for this purpose as
well as for other calls the patient may wish to make.
	Housekeeping and Physical Therapy will be combined. Mops will be
issued to those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range of
motion exercises as well as a clean environment. Families and
ambulatory patients may also sign up to clean the rooms of
non-ambulatory patients for special discounts on their final bill.
Time cards will be provided.
	As you can see on the "from" line above, hospital administration is
assuming the groundskeeping duties. If an administrator cannot be
reached by calling his/her office, it is suggested that you walk
outside and listen for the sound of a lawnmower, weed-whacker, etc.
	Maintenance is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the
Time-Life "How to..." series of maintenance books. These can be
checked out from administration, and a toolbox will be standard
equipment on all nursing units. We will be receiving the series at a
rate of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on
"Basic Wiring", but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to
handle it as best you can until the appropriate volume arrives.
	Cutbacks in phlebotomy staff will be accomidated by only performing
blood-related tests on patients who are already bleeding.
	Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than two
X-rays per patient stay. This is due to the turn-around time required
by Photomat. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and
physicians are being advised to clip coupons from the Sunday paper if
they want extra sets. Photomat will also honor competitors coupons for
one-hour processing in emergency situations, so if you come across any
extra coupons please clip out and send these to ER.
	In view of the hot summer temperatures, the Utilities Dept. has been
asked to install individual meters in each patient room, office, etc.,
so that electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately
billed. Fans will be available for sale or lease in the hospital gift
shop.
	In addition to the current recycling programs, a bin for collection
of unused fruit and bread will soon be provided on each floor.
Families, patients, and the few remaining employees are asked to
contribute discarded produce. Pharmacy will utilize this for
antibiotic production. These will be available for purchase and,
coincidentally, will soon be the only antibiotics on our HMO's
forumlary.

Is hell endothermic or exothermic? (same source)

No idea where this originated from.  All previous forward headers had been
removed before it got to me.  Sorry if it's copyrighted, but.....

 Physics Story
 
 A true story.  A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam 
 for his graduate students.  It had one question:
 
 "Is hell exothermic or endothermic?  Support your answer with a proof." 
 
 Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law 
 or some variant.  One student, however wrote the following:
 
 First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. 
 
 If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass.  So, at what 
 rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?  I 
 think that we  can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it 
 will not leave.  Therefore, no souls are leaving.
 
 As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that 
 exist   in the world today.  Some of these religions state that if you 
 are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell.  Since, there 
 are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more 
 than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to 
 hell.
 
 With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of 
 souls in hell to increase exponentially.
 
 Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law 
 states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay 
 the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay 
 constant.
 
 So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls 
 enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase 
 until all hell breaks loose.
 
 Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of 
 souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell 
 freezes over.
 
 It was not revealed what grade the student got.