From: jonathan_chun@fmc.com (JONATHAN CHUN) Apparently-To: , , <73621.1273@CompuServe.COM>, , , , , Received: from igw.fmc.com ([192.169.1.1]) by mtigwc02.worldnet.att.net (post.office MTA v2.0 0613 ) with SMTP id AAA14663 for ; Tue, 17 Dec 1996 21:02:55 +0000 Received: by igw.fmc.com id AA24268 (InterLock SMTP Gateway 3.0 for johnowen@worldnet.att.net); Tue, 17 Dec 1996 14:59:36 -0600 Received: by igw.fmc.com (Internal Mail Agent-1); Tue, 17 Dec 1996 14:59:36 -0600 Subject: Christmas Humor (for those on AOL... From IMA Newbie) Message-ID: <961217210259.1.10314@mtigwc02> Date: Tue, 17 Dec 96 21:13:17 +0000 Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: Multipart/Mixed; boundary="IMA.Boundary.882658058" X-Mozilla-Status: 0001 --IMA.Boundary.882658058 Content-Type: Text/Plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Description: cc:Mail note part One for you MBA-types or wanna-be's (you know who you are...) - jkc **********************[forwarded message]********************************** Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary: 1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance. 2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated. 3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French. 4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked. 5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and technology stocks, appear to be in order. 6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one. 7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement. 8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching. 9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps. 10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year. 11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line. Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending. Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number. *********************************************************************** --IMA.Boundary.882658058 Content-Type: Text/Plain; charset=US-ASCII; name="RFC822 message headers" Content-Description: cc:Mail note part Content-Disposition: inline; filename="RFC822 message headers" Received: from igw.fmc.com (128.254.113.66) by ccgate.fmc.com with SMTP (IMA Internet Exchange 2.1 (Gold Candidate) Enterprise) id 0001AC4F; Tue, 17 Dec 96 12:46:28 -0600 Received: from mhaaf.inhouse.compuserve.com by internet.fmc.com with SMTP id AA17923 (InterLock SMTP Gateway 3.0 for ); Tue, 17 Dec 1996 12:46:19 -0600 Received: from notes2.compuserve.com ([149.174.221.56]) by mhaaf.inhouse.compuserve.com (8.6.9/8.6.12) with SMTP id PAA24112.; Tue, 17 Dec 1996 15:07:12 -0500 Received: by notes2.compuserve.com (IBM OS/2 SENDMAIL VERSION 1.3.17/2.0) id AA2660; Tue, 17 Dec 96 13:46:14 -0500 Message-Id: <9612171846.AA2660@notes2.compuserve.com> Received: by External Gateway (Lotus Notes Mail Gateway for SMTP V1.1) id 33EB2F0BA11F000088256403005E80F2; Tue, 17 Dec 96 13:45:56 To: "103402.1265" <103402.1265@compuserve.com>, ayvp80 , jonathan_chun , marcelyn_kropp , rytur , hitej , curtis_lind , kemal_rachman , dmscholl , lauraes , jaltovar From: "jessica.p.chun" Date: 17 Dec 96 9:16:54 Subject: Christmas Humor (for those on AOL... From IMA Newbie) Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: Text/Plain --IMA.Boundary.882658058--